the yogini cowgirl

longest day of the year ...

062111.Summer solstice is today at 11:16 AM Mountain Daylight Time. And we are leaving the SuperMom's for the second leg of our trip home, so this is going to be short and sweet because posting on my iPod is supposed to be easy, and yet ...maybe you saw my first attempt?
But back to Solstice ... Because that's more interesting than my technical difficulties.
According to Power Path, Inc.& School of Shamanism, today is...
"A good time to vision what you wish for yourself in the future. By this time your patterns should be sufficiently shaken up to allow for some clarity in a new direction or at least in a realignment of how you are currently playing out your life. Do some intention work, visioning, sharing, celebrating, practicing gratitude, working with the sun and the earth, and having some fun. Enjoy the chaos and the creativity and the innovation and the inspiration and the resilience of the collective and your personal part in the experience of life on this planet. If you feel altered and unsettled, get used to it. Have fun anyway!"
Count me in!
P.S. We miss the Cowboy already.
Q: what's your vision for the day?

the longest day of the year...

Happy Mothers Day ...

050811 ...to my mother ... to my grandmother ... to my mother-in-law ... and my godmother ... to my aunts ... to my cousins ... and to all the women who have mothered me through the years (friends, teachers, co-workers, and the like)

... and Happy Birthday to my cousin Thomas!

"By construction, the fulfillment of a woman is motherhood; and motherhood does not mean that she gets pregnant and delivers a baby. If you understand her total behavior, you will understand her motherhood. Her motherhood is service, her motherhood is sacrifice, her motherhood is relationship. When she knows motherhood, she is fulfilled." -- Yogi Bhajan

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." -- Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." -- Oscar Wilde

"When I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk you'll end up as the pope.' Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso." -- Picasso

 

Q: Have you appreciated your mother today?

 

 

Cowgirls and Indians ...

040611.  There was a Pow Wow this weekend at Montana State University.  A big one.  One of the biggest one in the State, I think.  Drumming, dance competitions (fancy, jingle, tiny tots), basketball tournaments, two full-sized teepees and jewelry and fry-bread and chilli and lots and lots of beautiful costumes.

And since the LO and I are on this journey to explore our inner cowgirls, we decided to find ourselves there.

I thought we might go for half an hour … wander around the booths … listen to some drumming … eat some fry-bread.

I didn’t expect a near-2 year-old to be quite so taken with the whole experience.

I also didn’t realize is that even though I brought my camera, I would be too busy keeping up with the LO to take as many pictures as I wanted … because true to form, she wanted to be everywhere (including on the stage with the dancers)

But I did capture a few moments.

  

 

So … 2 ½ hours later, I dragged an overtired-overstimulated-overfrybreaded LO screaming from what was apparently the best day of her life …

Q: Have you had any good days lately?

 

it's that time of year ...

040411.  I don’t know about you, but when tax time rolls around I get really stressed out.  I get anxious.  I feel overwhelmed (by paper, by information, by emails from my amazing accountant Jeff who always knows exactly the right questions to send me scrambling to find the answers).

But this year, I did something crazy.

I emailed Jeff a month ago and started the process.

And then I avoided him for 4 weeks.

And then I found all my paperwork and made my way to Kinko’s to scan in all my documents.  (I really need to get a scanner in the home office … running to Kinko’s is a bummer.)

And then I emailed it all to Jeff.

On Saturday night.

At around midnight.

And in a surprising turn of events, I got an email back from Jeff on Sunday night.

Around midnight.  (And he’s in NY … so it was pretty darn late EST.)

My taxes are done.

And I’m getting a refund!

Now all I have to do is print it, sign it, scan it and email it back to him and away we go.

Good thing I’ve got a mini-accountant in the house on my back to get me to get it done sooner rather than later.

(blurry ... like the LO's vision must have been as she peaked through the Cowboy's glasses)

Q:  Have you started your taxes yet?  They’re due on April 18^th this year.

 

Mass Pillow Fight in Berlin | Amusing Planet

032211.  I am not, by nature, a confrontational person.  BUT ... what with my love of pillows, and my infatuation with Berlin ... this is one fight I would have loved to have been a part of ... (note: Grammar Girl thinks it's just fine to end a sentence with a preposition.  I don't know how she feels about my overuse of ellipses and I'm not going to check.)

Hundreds of young people assembled in front of Berlin’s Brandenburg Gate on Sunday with the aim of breaking the world record for the largest pillow fight. The action which started almost abruptly at around 4 pm, took tourists, passersby and even the police by surprise as they were engulfed in a blizzard of feathers.

via www.amusingplanet.com

in case you thought I was being cocky...

032211. I just wanted you to know that even though it's spring on the calendar, I didn't expect to get away with not seeing snow again in the coming weeks.  After all, we got snow and hail last June that left an impression not only on my mind, but on my car ... although I must admit, waking up to a fresh 8 inches today was a bit of a surprise.

But it sure is pretty ...

We're staying off the roads when we can ...

Q:  How's your Spring so far?

I don't mean to brag or anything ...

032011. … but I did it.

I made it through my first Montana Winter.

I shoveled snow even though the thermometer boasted  -23 degrees.

I scraped ice off my windows when it was -11 with a wind-chill that I can’t actually wrap my head around.

I rode a horse while the mercury was well below freezing.

I snow-shoed.

And sleigh-rode.

I drove in a blizzard (it doesn't matter that I wound up in a ditch ... I didn't panic, no one got hurt, I got out, and life is good).

I even helped dig out an SUV from a snow drift while wearing a dress and Uggs (I know, I wish I had a picture of this, too).

And I did it all with a goofy toddler in toe ...

… and she didn’t get frostbite.

Which I consider to be a major accomplishment.

Now I’ll admit I didn’t do it alone.

Susan and Bruce gave me gloves that made it possible to feel my fingers no matter how mocked I felt by the weather report.

And the Cowboy gave me thermals that could warm a polar bear.

The Cowboy’s sister gave me a hat that kept the cold away and was cute, to boot.

Oh … and I have really warm boots.

Which I think is key.

And you know what?

I bet I can do it again.

But I’m hoping not for a few months.

Happy Spring, everyone!

 

Q:  What are you proud of today?

 

SuperFly and the Super Moon

031911.  News of today’s super moon (which is a perigree moon, closer to the earth at around noon today than in nearly 20 years) is everywhere.  Scientists, astrologers, yogis, healers, bloggers … it seems like everyone is talking about it. And there’s all this debate about whether the pull of the moon has any real or lasting affect.

Here’s a quote from USA Today:

“According to NASA and NOAA, although a perigee moon brings with it extra-high "perigean tides," it's nothing to worry about. In most places, lunar gravity at perigee pulls tide waters only about an inch or so higher than usual. Local geography can amplify the effect to about six inches.”

And here’s one regarding the power of this particular full moon (because of its proximity to the equinox) from a newsletter that I get from a group called Power Path, Inc, & the School of Shamanism:

“This is the time for a bid for power. Know that the planet is different. Our footing has shifted and quite literally. Symbolized by the reactor issue, we are being challenged to manage our own power, overcome our fears and step into a new paradigm. There will always be loss connected with change. Always look to the opportunity rather than what is no longer available. Trust the larger picture and greater design of evolution and know that spirit does not make mistakes.”

NASA and NOAA are pretty reputable resources … and truth be told, I know very little about the people behind Power Path & the School of Shamanism … but when I think about the depth and the power and the amount of water on this planet … and I think about the fact that the moon has the pull to shift that HUGE body of water even an inch … and then I think about the fact that people are made up of mostly water … and we’re so small in comparison … that power seems pretty daunting.

I mean … I’m not saying it’s real or anything, but it seems to me that the moon offers a pretty good explanation for what the Little One chose to wear yesterday …

… otherwise, I might have to call the fashion police to rein in this little SuperFly.

 

Q: Are you noticing anything unusual about these days and nights?

 

Global Meditation for Japan | 3HO eCommunity

031611.  The Kundalini Yoga Community is gathering today (at 11 am MST) all across the globe to meditate for healing and recovery in Japan.

Join in with the RA MA DA SA meditation, which only takes 11 minutes.   How many 11 minutes do we waste each day just "ptutzing" around the house or at the proverbial water cooler? ... let's give one up for the people of Japan.

The link will bring you to the 3ho.org site and a video about how to do the meditation.

Sat Nam!

via www.3ho.org

boy-oh, that buckin’ horse is hot … or, why it’s important to maintain your self-care … even when you’re in Vegas

120510.  The LO went to her first rodeo last night.

And I think she had a good time,

She was, at the very least, mesmerized by what was going on in the arena …

The buckin’ broncos.

The bull riding (these guys all put themselves in serious danger ... takes a certain mindset, I think).

And the “nay-nays” (that’s what she calls horses) riding like the wind.

It was wild.

And it was fun.

And it was major sensory overload.

Basically … it was Vegas.

And when we got back to our room last night it took about 4 minutes for both of us to fall into a deep deep sleep. 

The Cowboy stayed out for a bit … when you’re a rodeo veteran, the NFR is like a family reunion … and it’s important to spend time with the old gang.  To laugh.  To reminisce.  To reconnect with friends.

And what I realize today that maybe I didn’t realize five years ago is that it’s equally important (even when you’re on vacation) to find a few minutes to stay centered.  Because it’s easy to say “I don’t need to do my yoga.”  “I don’t have time to exercise.”  “I don’t have time to meditate.”  “I don’t need to eat right.”  “I don’t.” “I can’t.” “I won’t.”

But here’s the thing … a conscious, committed 10 minutes can make your vacation 10x more relaxing … make you 100x more present … and 1000x happier.

It’s a well-spent 10 minutes.  I promise.

So next time you find yourself waking up in a hotel room … before anyone else wakes up … take 10 minutes to do the following wake-up set and see how things go …

Tune in with the Adi Mantra (it’s okay to tune-in silently, so as not to wake your roommates):

    Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo

As you silently chant the mantra 3 times, you’re calling upon that subtle divine teacher within, to allow you to have a complete experience.

Now bring yourself to standing for 2 or 3 sets of Surya Namaskar (sun salutations).  Feet together.  Spine straight.  Hands in prayer pose at your heart center.

• Inhale and raise your arms overhead.  Look toward your hands.
• Exhale and fold forward.  Hands to the ground.
• Inhale and lift up … (hands to shins, spine parallel to the ground).
• Exhale and fold forward again.  Hands on the ground.
• Inhale and jump or step back into high plank.
• Exhale and lower to low plank position.
• Inhale, straighten your arms, lower your hips, lift your head and arch your back, bringing yourself into Cobra.
• Exhale and, using your navel, raise your hips to the sky, drop your head, bringing yourself into downward facing dog (In Kundalini Yoga, we call this “triangle pose.”)  Legs are straight. Arms are straight (elbows are turned in so the pressure/weight is on your thumb and first finger).  Neck is relaxed.
• Remain in Triangle Pose for 3-5 complete breaths.
• On an inhale, step or float your feet between your hands.
• Exhale bringing yourself to a standing forward bend.
• Inhale and come to standing, raising your arms overhead.
• Exhale and bring hands to prayer pose, and lower arms so hands are at your heart center.
• Repeat … 2 or 3 times …

To end, sit in easy pose (cross-legged) with a straight spine.  Close your eyes.  Focus on your third eye and silently meditate on the sound current Sat Nam (truth is my identity).  Inhale, exhale, and relax.

Tops, this takes 10 minutes.  And as I mentioned, it can change everything … for the good.

 

Q:  Why do you let your practice lapse when you get busy or when you’re on holiday?

 

 

I used to ... and I'm glad I don't anymore ...

120210.  I used to wake up at 6 am so I could get myself to Runyon Canyon to take Henry for a hike … all year long.

I used to be in the office by 8 or 8:30 finishing the script I fell asleep reading last night.

I used to have a calendar filled with general meetings … with writers, actors, directors.

I used to have a phone sheet longer than I like to admit.

I used to go to lunch with agents.

I used to have drinks and dinner meetings with executives.

I used to do this.

I used to do that.

I used to be "really busy."

I used to be "really stressed."

I used to think everything I did was "really important."

But that’s not who I am today.

And sometimes I forget that fact.

Because today, I’m up at 4:30 because I have Sadhana at 6.

Then swimming lessons at 10.

Class at 1.

I’ve got to take the dogs to the vet’s at 3.

I have to swing by the bank and the post office.

And I’m lucky if I get 3 or 4 phone calls a day

It’s a way less stressful life.

So … when I get phone call at 2:20 from someone I’m supposed to have met at 2 … about a project that I’m really excited to be a part of … well … I get that sick rush of adrenaline.

And I get swept back up into the life I used to live.

I have to consciously bring myself back to the present.

As Ram Dass says … “Be Here Now.”

I have to consciously remind myself to breathe.

And where the old me would have berated myself (and/or my assistant) for being so late …

For being so thoughtless …

For being so irresponsible …

The new me is much more aware that even a really important meeting is just a meeting.

I respect that people have things to do, and their time is valuable.

But I acknowledge that it wasn’t an intentional slight on my part to have lost track of the time and day.

And I know that the important work will get done when it’s supposed to.

So …

 

Q:  How are you today?

 

He "air-mailed" that steer ...

120110. The hay has been moved. 

The horses turned out. 

The Meditations are done. 

The Mantras are sung.

The house is clean.

The bags are packed.

And we’re ready to go.

National Finals Rodeo.

 

(the Cowboy in his steer-wrestling heyday … the current NFR guys have nothing on my Cowboy)

Here we come!

Vegas, baby …

(Actually ... the Cowboy leaves today for the NFR ... the LO and I will meet him there for the weekend ... I wonder if there's a mantra for the protection of all the steer wrestlers in the world ... hmmm ... research!)

 

Q: Do you have big plans for the weekend?

 

 

 

 

Christmas card photos ...

113010.  In two score and one year of life (41 years … in mid-19^th century speak), I’ve never done Christmas card photos … In fact, I’ve never really been consistent about sending cards for any holiday.  Not Christmas.  Nor Halloween.  Not birthdays.  Nor anniversaries.  I’ve just never been great at the whole card-thing.  I tend more toward randomness in this respect.  My m.o. has always been: if I find a card that feels appropriate for someone I know … I buy it and send it.  The calendar date has never really played too much a role.

But now that I’m a mom (I still feel really new at this whole thing even though the LO is on her 2^nd Christmas), I’m making an effort to be more consistent.  It’s sort of like … I never had a “night-time routine” … now I put the baby in the bath, we put on pajamas, read a few books, lights out and bedtime.  Consistency.  It’s a new thing.

Anyway … Christmas cards.  Christmas card photos.

This year, we asked the Cowboy’s niece Sammy and her beau to take some photos for us.  

You see … they are photographers.  They do weddings.  Anniversaries.  Senior portraits.  Family portraits.  You name it.  And they are way talented.

So on a beautifully sunny day (the only one we’ve seen in the past 10), we piled the LO in more than a few layers, loaded dogs and people into the LR3, and headed out to the horses.

And even though it was still pretty darn cold (about 28 degrees), we saddled up, let the dogs run free and set out to get a photo to immortalize our family in card-form.

So now the question is … which one …

Do we go for joy?

 

Or art?

 

Comedy?

 

Or austerity?

I guess only time will tell …

 

Q:  Are you a card-sender?

 

real or fake ... that is the question

112910.  If you celebrate Christmas, you might be facing the same dilemma we’ve been discussing in our house … a real tree … or a fake one … which one will adorn your living room?  Which is the more environmental choice?  And does that matter to you?

The thing is … it does matter to me.

In this quest to live a simpler, greener life I’m finding myself facing these questions and dilemmas more and more often.  Making "little" choices that feel a lot more significant than they used to ... like what floor cleaner to use ... or whether to buy a new dress for a night out at the National Rodeo Finals in Vegas this week (more on the NFR later this week) ... what about plastic toys for the LO ... is it okay for her to play with plastic if I buy it from a 2nd hand store?  And now this question of the Christmas tree ...

So I’ve been reading up on it.

And here’s a smattering of what I've found out:

The green choice is to have no tree because neither option is the green choice.

Hmmmm …

No tree.

Hmmmm ...

That doesn’t work for us.

I can’t make that choice.

We have a LO.

And I would like to share our family traditions … they include a decorated tree … twinkly lights … wrapped presents … stuffed stockings … garland … the caroling ...

I know.  I know.  I sound like Lucy from the Peanuts.

I know Christmas isn't about the bells and whistles.

But the bells and whistles are nice.

I like the bells and whistles of Christmas.

I love the twinkly lights.

I love the garland.

I love the pointsettias.

And the holly.

I’m just being honest.

So then what’s a Yogini Cowgirl to do? 

Read. 

Ponder. 

Discuss. 

Read a little more.

One upside of real trees is that they can recycled and turned into mulch when the season ends.  They’re also lead free.  PVC-free.  Biodegradable and break down pretty quickly, sending nutrients back into the earth.  They’re easy to replenish and natural.  But how far does your tree have to travel before it reaches your home?  How much gas to transport it from the forest to your neighborhood?

And then there’s the fake tree.  They last for year after year.  They're "perfectly shaped." And easy to assemble.  They don't shed leaves.  And according to one of the articles I read, there’s “hardly more lead” in an artificial tree than in a medical IV bag. One faux tree can last for years … so ultimately, we use more petroleum transporting 10 years of real trees than making and transporting one artificial number.

So, you see, it’s not an easy choice.

And then it comes down to what’s going on in your own head and heart.

Like … is the connection to nature … the smell of pine … the reminder of life outside the big city … is that important to your Christmas experience?  It is for me … for us … so …

The Cowboy’s been getting his trees from Tuscor Ranch for years.  They’re local-ish (at least they are in Montana, so they don’t have too far to drive the trees).  And when they run out, they run out, pack their bags and head back to Trout Creek.  So … fingers crossed we find a good one …

Q:  Real or fake?

 

Oh yeah, baby ...

101710b. It fits!!!

information vs. experience ...

083010.  When my superMom was a tiny tot, she lived in an apartment with her parents and siblings in the same building with her grandmother’s family, and that of several of her cousins.  And the family members who didn’t live in that building, lived in another apartment building on the same block.

They were connected.

But the world changes.

And people move away.

Lose touch.

But we’re still human.

We’re still members of a family.

Of a community.

And we’re still looking to connect.

So we create social networks like Facebook and mySpace (does anyone use mySpace anymore?).  We have cell phones with unlimited plans.  iPhones, iPods, iPads, blackberries and Droids.  We text, SMS, MMS, Skype, email, write blogs.  We have newspapers, magazines, radio, television, streaming video and satellite systems, et al.

And so we are connected.

Uber-connected.

We read updates about people we love, people we know, people we used to know, and people we’ve never met but would like to know.

And those are good things.

But life is in the experience.

And where is the experience in reading about someone’s life?

It’s all just information.

And information is useless if we don’t use it.

We need to get out there and experience life … experience the pain of someone else’s suffering, the joy of a loved-one’s triumph, and the comfort of a real, heartfelt hug.

So today (apparently, I’m a little soap-boxy this rainy Monday morning), I’m asking you to get out there and really “connect” with someone.  Be there.  Now.  Be in the moment and experience life.

 

Q: What’s your experience of the day?

 

 

today was a good day ...

081310b.  Friday was a good day.

Certainly not because the LO was feverish and frustrated at being stuck inside again.

And not because we ran out of butter and won’t get to the store again until she’s no longer contagious (Monday?).

And especially not because I found a spider bite on my stomach that had me swirling in panic for about four hours that I had somehow imagined having Chicken Pox when I was a tiny tot . (SuperMom confirmed that she thinks I had it … so as of this moment, I believe the red mark is a spider bite … although I guess that means there’s a spider somewhere in my bed that could have bitten me??!?)

Anyway … Friday was a good day.

Because my Master-Sergeant-Sis came home from Iraq … safe … sound … (and while I haven't spoken to her yet I’m guessing because it’s how she came home last time) exhausted.

No.  I haven’t spoken to her yet. (If you just got home from Iraq and reunited with your hubby and daughter, I'm guessing you might like a little down time to re-acclimate.  So don't judge!)

But in typical fashion: My Bro-I-L posted pics on facebook. And the MSS and I texted.

In the six short words she sent to my phone, I’m confident that this tour didn’t fundamentally change her heart.

(I have no recollection of this picture being taken, but I'm sure I cried until she let me be the girl on the right ...she's always been way too good to me.)

And so I am at peace.

Q: Have you prayed for the safe return of our soldiers and peace-workers today?

non-sequitur goodness for the soulbody

072210.  Today, I thought I’d share a few bits of random goodness …

a photo

(Apparently, my Cowboy still plays with Indians ...)

a short film:

The Last Three Minutes

(My dear friend Po Chan wrote and directed this incredibly thoughtful, beautiful and important short film … it’s a worthwhile 5 minutes of your time.) 

a website with a message I believe in:

Well World: Change Yourself ... Change the World

(maybe you’ll decide to take the vow, too.)

and info about an event I wish I could attend … but maybe if you go, you can tell me all about it?

Beaming Power of Women

Q: What goodies do you have to share?  I'd love to know ...

the perfect shade of green ... (and no, I don't mean envy)

072210.  A long time ago (a few weeks, at least), in a magical land far far away called Montana, the universe was apparently dealing with some “issues” and needed to let off a little steam (in the form of a freak summer hail storm).

And the Cowboy’s cottage was caught in the melee.

It sort of looks like someone was using the side of the house for target practice, doesn’t it?

In its wake, the storm left blown out windows.  Glass everywhere (inside the house and out).  Roof slices on the ground.  And 2 ½” ice pellets strewn across the ground.

 

It was a little nutty.

And thankfully, the LO and the dogs and the yogini were not in the house when it happened.  

We were in the car driving home from the Post Office. 

Safe and sound (minus the shattered windshield and dented hood).  Actually, I think the only one who even noticed the storm was me … the LO was fast asleep and the dogs were fighting among themselves … (is it wrong that I don’t miss carting the dogs around each day while we’re here in LA?)

So now that a little time has gone by … and the insurance adjusters have done their adjusting … and the contractors have done their contractual assessing … now comes the fun part: picking a new color for the house.

I realize it’s not my house.

But I do get to live there.

And I’ve been asked for my opinion.

And even if I hadn’t been asked, I probably would have had an opinion.

But I’m happy to have the freedom to express it.

Because keeping opinions in can be challenging, you know?

And I would like to live in a green house.  I don’t know about you, but when I see a green house, I just want to go in it.  They’re just so inviting and warm and welcoming.  Now, not every color green draws me in.  Lime green doesn’t do it for me.  And forest green can have too much blue in it for my personal taste. 

But pea green? 

 

Grey green?

A rich swampy green? 

 

Mmmmm … I like it.

So I’m on a quest to find the perfect shade of green.

And it started today on my walk with the LO (which is when I took the above photos). 

We’d like to present the Cowboy with the perfect green before we head back to the Big Sky state.

So please feel free to send me green pics.  Because I’m hoping different shades of green are popular in different parts of this beautiful country of ours … and I’d love to see what green looks like where YOU are!

Q: Are you having fun, yet?

Happy Birthday, America!

070410. The way I look at birthdays is this: it’s like New Year’s Day for the one who is celebrating.  It’s the beginning of their next year of life.  An opportunity to set things right.  To make resolutions.  To break old habits.  To start new ones.

And in Kundalini Yoga, to break old habits …to reprogram the synapses in your brain in a new way …it takes 40 days.  It takes committing to the new behavior for 40 days to break the old cycle.  It takes 90 days to integrate a new way of doing things.  And by 120 days it’s a part of who you are.

So …

America …

(And this is to the people and the politicians!)

Let’s take the opportunity …

To commit to new behavior for the next 40 days …

Be kinder to yourself …

Be gentler to one another …

Be more honest with the world …

“C’mon people now.

Smile on your brother.

Ev’rbody get together.

Try to love one another right now...”

And have a happy birthday!!!

And as an aside …Fourth of July was always a big party and a big deal in my house growing up … So today, I’m doing a lot of missing …missing my SuperMom and SuperStepDad, my Master-Sergeant-Sis (who is in Iraq right now, so please pray for her safe return in a few weeks).  I miss the Cowboy.  I miss the SuperStepSis.  I really miss the Clam Bake and all the family and friends it brings together.  And I especially miss Aunt D singing God Bless America at the top of her lungs as the fireworks explode in the sky …no one sings God Bless America quite like the Aunt D.

Wishing everyone a VERY HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY from the yogini cowgirl and the LO!!!!

 

Q: How are you celebrating today?

 

 

an ode to fathers on Father's Day

062010. I heard an interesting piece on NPR yesterday from a stay-at-home-dad who used to be a hotshot reporter.  He talked a lot about how it took having a daughter to understand that all the accolades, all the fancy phone calls, really important emails, late nights out with the boys and celebrities, all the blah blah was less important than the little girl he and his wife brought into the world.

The whole story made me a little sad for him.

Not that he hadn’t learned an important lesson.

Because he’s right.  All the fancy phone calls, all the emails that have to be answered 5 minutes before they arrive, the late nights out … all that … is way less important than raising that little girl.

What made me sad was that he sounded bitter about not getting those fancy phone calls, the emails and the invites.  It sounded like lip-service …like a story he had written to convince himself that being a stay-at-home-dad isn’t crushing his ego and self-esteem.

And then it made me appreciate a few of the men in my life a lot more.

The Cowboy, who could have decided not to ask the Yogini and the LO to move to Montana and find their inner cowgirls.

(This was the LO's first time with the horses.  In those safe strong hands, I can't imagine she didn't love every minute.)

The SuperStepDad, who married my mother when I was 11 years old and took me and my sister in as his own.  He treats the LO with so much love I’m getting tears in my eyes as I write this.

(This was taken in May 2009 ...they wore matching clothes more than once ... isn't that awesome?)

The Bro-In-Law-In-Alaska who single-dad’s it while my SuperSis is putting her life on the line in Iraq for the safety of all of us and our great country.

The SD-Bro-In-Law who works harder than any man I know, and still has time to make it to everyone of his son’s T-Ball games.

I wish I knew who said this … because it’s what I believe of each of these men … and so many others I haven’t mentioned:  “A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.” ~Author Unknown


Happy Father’s Day.

a wake-up call in my inbox

052110. “Learn one thing today: Let the past go. Let it go at any cost. Those who do not forget the past, but remember the past and make it their security will find it very difficult to have a good future.” (Yogi Bhajan)

I get these “I am a woman: quotes of the day” sent to my inbox every morning from KRI.  Some days it seems like the quote is important for someone to hear (not always me).  But today’s (above) is HUGE.  For me.  Maybe not you.  But for me, today’s quote started ringing in my ears. (Or, to use a metaphor that matches my photo ... it was as if the Sun came up and I could see it for the first time ...even though I think this photo is a sunset ... you get the idea.)

How often do we get stuck in a loop of remembering something that happened and fail to be able to find a way to move forward?  “If only I had said this.”  “Why didn’t he say that?”  “Why did I eat that?”  “What was I thinking?” “Why did I eat that?”  (Yes, I know I said that already ...)

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to remember the past.  I don’t think that’s what YB was saying.  But I think the message is: don’t let it become the whole of who you are.  “Don’t get stuck.”

It’s a little like listening to a record (yes, I’m dating myself – but honestly, cassette tapes were all the rage when I was a kid in the 80s.  Albums were nostalgic even then) with a scratch in it … a continual loop of negative sound that can make one crazy.  It’s like a barrage of hate mail to your psyche.  I don’t think many of us have the defenses to deal with that.  I know I don’t.

I’ve been sorting and packing all of my belongings for this move to Montana.  And it’s really putting my past in front of me in a way that other moves haven’t.  So today, as I sort and pack (and I have a LOT of sorting and packing left to do in six days), I’m going to try to put my past in a box and leave it on the curb for the garbage man.  I’m also going to sell a few things on Craigslist (in case anyone’s looking for a bike, a TV, a guitar, a chair, a small bench or a set of bookshelves … let me know).

   

I’m going to cherish the good times.  Love the people I’ve shared them with.  And stop beating myself up for the mistakes I’ve made, opportunities I’ve missed, people I’ve hurt, hurts I’ve received at the hands of others. 

Q: Have you done any Spring Cleaning lately?

now that I'm unemployed, there's a lot to learn ...

051310.  In case you missed it ... just to catch you up:  I’m unemployed.  I’m one of the 9.9% rank of Americans who are out of work these days.  

And I have to admit it’s a little weird for me.

I haven’t been unemployed since 1986 when I was working in the cafeteria at M&M Mars with my best friends RA and EM.  And while working at M&M’s wasn’t my first job (my first job was in 1985 as a dishwasher/brunch server at David’s Country Inn on Main Street in Hackettstown … and it lasted about 2 months … until I got Mono … but they don’t want 15 year-old girls with mononucleosis working with or around food and people who eat … so it was short-lived and I got to take the rest of my sophomore year off), it was the first job that started my odyssey of 24 years of perpetual employment.

And today I had to go to the Employment Development Department/State of California for a “Reemployment and Eligibility Assessment Appointment.”  Which is to say, I had to go and get a tutorial about all the great services offered by the State of California to help me find a new producing gig … or better yet (in their minds), find a new career path that utilizes the skills I’ve developed as a producer.  Interesting.  They also wanted to evaluate my efforts to find a new job.

I was ready for a very specific experience:  I was ready for a haughty better-than-thou-bureaucrat to have an attitude.  To treat me like crap.  To generally speaking be a total bummer. 

I was not prepared for an Employment Program Representative whose voice was so quiet that I had to strain and lean across the table to hear her.  I was not prepared for a nervous-twittery-middle-aged-woman who was so intimidated by my resume and career that she could barely form a sentence.  (Is it wrong that I had a moment of pride about the work I’ve done these past 15 years?  I hope not.)  And I knew I should have gone to the restroom before the meeting started, because I was not prepared to be totally distracted by having to pee the entire time I sat in her office.

So 30 minutes of forward-bending-ear-straining-eye-watering torture later, I’m approved for unemployment insurance … and happy to know that the one thing I did finally learn while at the unemployment office was …

This was posted in several places in the ladies’ room … in all the stalls, above the sink, near the door, etc ... Please tell me this is something you already know how to do?  Even the LO knows this one.  And she’s barely a year old.  If I had a different personality profile I might be depressed by this … good for me I’m just a little disheartened.

Q: How’s your Thursday?

the day after ...

051010.  (I wrote this last night … but am finishing it this morning because a LO with a stuffy nose and a hard time sleeping needed me to lie down next to her to help her fall asleep, and then I fell asleep, too!)

As my second Mother’s Day as a mother comes to a close, I am reflecting on not only what it means to be someone’s mom, but what it means to be a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend and a partner.  As women, we have many different roles.  (Men do, too, but I can’t speak from experience on it, so I’m not going to try.)

According to the yoga tradition, women are the “Adi Shakti” … the “primal creative energy” in the world. 

 

(Which is not a hard concept to buy into when one thinks about the idea that the Divine Mother had the power and strength to bring to life God in her womb!)

(This pic is WAY bigger than I thought it was going to be, but I can't figure out how to resize it)

What occurs to me (and I recognize that this isn’t an original thought): Women have the power to change the world … through the example they set for their children, through the kindness they show to their neighbors, and through the love they give to the world.  We have the grace.  We have the strength.  We have the power.  And as President Lincoln said so succinctly, “With great power, comes great responsibility.”  (I think he said it … at least that’s what I learned in the movie Spiderman, directed by Sam Raimi.)

And I am lucky to have some great examples of women who give generously of their time and energy – with no expectation in return.  The SuperMom (of course) is my first and foremost example, who does a ton for me and the LO, but we’re just the tip of the iceberg. 

(SuperMom - please don't be mad at the pic ... just think ... it could have been one from the pool ... plus, I think this is beautiful) 
 

My Master Sergeant Sis in Iraq.  My SuperStepSis who volunteers at her son’s school every week, and has kicked some serious butt (including her own!) walking that 60-mile walk for the cure.  I have gal-pals who rescue dogs, cook for the homeless, raise money for leukemia, and breast cancer, and for orphanages around the world.  The list goes on and on.

So since this is my Commitment Year, I’m going to make one more commitment … for the sake of setting an example for the LO … for the sake of myself … and for the sake of my new Montana community.  I’m going to do more Seva (pronounced SAY-VAH – it’s the Gurmukhi word for “volunteer work” or “community service.”  And yes, I could have just said I’m going to volunteer more … but then you wouldn’t get to learn a new word today!)

Maybe I’ll find a school where I can volunteer my time teaching yoga.  Maybe it will be at the local food bank.  Or the neighborhood Goodwill.  We’ll see.  I’ll keep you posted.

Q: What seva do you do?

quatro de mayo

050410.  I keep thinking about this year’s astrological and numerological forecast.  2010.  Apparently, it’s what they call a “warrior year” … an “all or nothing” year … a “destiny” year. 

From what I understand (which isn’t very much with regard to numerology), the number 10 is very powerful.  It’s the year when everything you’ve been sowing for the past nine years is finally harvested.  All that energy (good and bad) that you’ve been putting into the Universe comes back at you, tenfold.  So it’s supposed to be a pretty intense year.

And if these first four months are any indication … “they” seem to be right. 

I also understand that this year is a year when the Universe is going to put the choice for your destiny in front of you one last time … This is it.  You can either choose to live your destiny, or not.  But it’s not going to present itself again.  So it seems like a good time to choose your destiny.  No?

I guess I’m doing a lot of thinking about this because a few things have happened this past week that bubble it all up.

Firstly, I finished my Level One Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training with an incredible weekend of yoga, meditation and lecture.  It started (as all the KYTT weekends did) on Friday at 6 pm and went through Sunday at 7.   And I had one of those weekends when sleep just eluded me.  In the 54 hours from Friday until Sunday, I slept about 6 hours.  And I had to teach my practicum in front of one of my teachers and my study group.  And I had to turn in 40 pages of homework.  And I had to be “present” for all the yoga, meditation and lectures. 

(To be honest, I’m not sure how I got through it … but I did … and it was incredible … and now I’m a Kundalini Yoga Teacher!)

Secondly, I went into the office yesterday morning to meet with The Boss … and five years, two movies, one documentary, countless projects on the precipice of being made and a lot of life blood … it’s all coming to a close.  I’ve given my notice.  I’m not going to work on the latest movie.  I’m going to pick up all my stuff and all the LO’s stuff, and we’re going to move to Montana with the Cowboy. 

And as I first wrote in my first blog … things are going to fall away that don’t fit into the picture.  I’m still writing (blog, book and soon-to-write-script).  I’m still practicing yoga (more than ever before).  I’m spending more time with and being more present for the LO (my favorite parts of the day).  I’m cooking more (even making bread – with the Cowboy’s recipe).

And away we go …

I’m committing to being the Yogini Cowgirl … for life.

Q:  What Destiny is knocking on your door?  Are you answering it?

simply simplifying...

040910.  I've been looking for ways to simplify my life and save a little money these days.

(this photo from rowdy kittens ...a beautiful photo from an even better website)   

So this week I turned off my cable television.

It's been 24 hours.

And it's kind of nice having an opportunity to go through my ridiculously large DVD collection and re-watch some of my favorite movies of all time.  (Last night The Apartment.  Tonight, Gladiator.  I have a very eclectic collection.) 

Although ...

I'd feel like I was lying if I didn't admit that I’m bummed I missed Top Chef Masters last night.

And The Office was on tonight.

And Project Runway.

And Glee starts again next week.

And then there’s Big Love.

And True Blood.

And the Biggest Loser, of course.

And the Food Network ... everything except shows starring or including Rachel Ray (who I find to be one of the more annoying people on the planet).

Geez … this might not be as simple as I thought.

I’m going to go check out hulu.com and I’ll get back to you …

inspired by the Dalai Lama ... but more so by my sister

032610.  The Dalai Lama says: "Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." 

And I know at least one person in the world who lives by this ...whether she knows it or not.

In the fall of 2007, my sister Teri, who is a Master Sergeant in the US Army, was deployed to Iraq and spent 15 months in or around Kirkuk.  About 150 miles north of Baghdad.  

She's an M.P.  And over the course of her years in the military (18 years, at this point), she has been stationed all over the world. From Germany to Panama to Savannah, Kansas, Honduras and Alaska.  She served as a Drill Sergeant (and lost her voice so bad, she's got a permanent rasp that she did NOT have before.  It's kind of sexy.  I think her hubby must dig it).  And then was the only woman to hold the job of Drill Sergeant who trains Drill Sergeants (and there's a job title for that, but I can't remember what it is).

(She could basically kick all of our butts ...and not break a sweat ...or raise a finger. She's that good.)

Part of her job in Iraq was to help train the Iraqi Police Force.  But I'm not going to claim to know a lot about her time there.  She didn't (and doesn't) really talk about it all that much.  (Maybe that's my fault ...I might not ask enough questions about it, for fear that she'll tell me something that scares me.)

The few stories she has told me include: the Humvee she was driving was blown up on the side of the road while she was in a coffee shop.  She told me about the bike she rode to work.  And I have a vague memory of her telling me about the donkey she promised to bring home for her daughter ... (but I think that was a joke or something, and I still don't quite get it ...).

But the thing about Teri is ... and she's always been this way ... when she sees something wrong, she goes out of her way to fix it.  Like ...if I was getting picked on by a neighbor, she would intercede on my behalf and that neighbor would run home crying.  If someone didn't have money for lunch, she would give up part (or all) of hers.  If she found a dog being abused or neglected, she'd be the first one to take it in and care for it.

This is NOT to say that Teri is a saint or an angel.  Definitely.  Not an angel.  And I know this because I was on the receiving end of more than my share of wedgies ...more than my share of taunts and tortures.  (I don't know if I will ever wear Wranglers again because of the teasing she bestowed on my insecure 9-year-old head ...not that Wranglers are all the rage these days ...I'm just saying ...I'm not running out to buy a new pair.)

So as I mentioned yesterday, Teri's being re-deployed to Iraq in about 10 days or so.  And I've been doing a lot of thinking about it.  About how challenging it is for her family (she has a husband and daughter that are the lights of her life).  About the work she's going to be doing there (this time she's going to replace another Master Sergeant and finish up his tour ...and bring some troops home!!!).  And about the work she did last time.

I keep remembering back to the work she did last time.  

Not necessarily as a soldier.  

Although she was always a soldier.  

I'm talking about how she got to Kirkuk, spent time with the people there, realized how hard their lives were, and really did something to make things better for them.  And in the process, she gave us (especially me) a chance to feel like we were doing something to help them, too.

You see, what she did was this ... she noticed that there were a lot of kids in town.

And she noticed that a lot of those kids didn't have a lot.

Like ...they didn't have pencils or pens or paper.

They didn't have a lot of food.

And they didn't have coats.

And winter was just around the corner.

So Teri called our SuperMom.

She said, "Hey SuperMom, these people have nothing.  Can you ask around and see if anyone has any old second hand children's coats or something?" (or something like that.)

And then SuperMom called me and said she was putting together a box to send over.

And I emailed all the women in my contact list that I knew had children.

And many of them emailed their friends.

And in about a month, we had about 750 coats and pants and shirts and other kids clothes (and coats for adults, too) to send to Kirkuk. (That might be an exaggeration, but I'm pretty sure it was close to 750.)

And even though it took 6 or 8 weeks for every shipment to get to Iraq ...all 15-20 boxes arrived. (Thanks to the lady at the US Postal Service who helped me get them all together week after week!)

Teri coordinated distributing the coats (and other clothes) with the local school and the local police.  

And she told me about some of the kids who showed up to the truck:

One boy in particular.  He was about 7 years old.  A skinny little thing.  And he wasn't wearing any pants.  I guess he found a pair of sweatpants in the pile that fit him perfectly.  According to Teri, he did a "happy pants dance."

And a lot of women in Los Angeles got to feel the magic of that "happy pants dance."

Especially me.

(I still get a little overwhelmed when I think about that little one ... probably more now that I've got a little one of my own.)

So ...thanks, Teri.

Keep living life like the Dalai Lama and the world will have no choice but to become a better place.

Q: Who inspires you to live a little bit better, be a little bit kinder, do just a little bit more?