071211. I remember being pregnant with the LO and going to the ultrasound that confirmed she was a healthy little girl with all her measurements and all her parts and all that goodness. I was living in Los Angeles and the Cowboy was away in Montana on that day and out of cell range, so I sent him a text (how very 21st Century, right?).
It said something like: “Your daughter is very busy, and very healthy.” And as soon as he got the message, he called and said … “So I guess we’re really having a baby.”
It was the “real” moment for him.
(the real "real" moment for the Cowboy, I think, was the first time he was able to get the LO horseback - she was 3 months old)
It had been “real” for me for a while … what with the weight gain, the never-ending cravings for hummus and apples and tomato sandwiches, the waking in the middle of the night rushing to the bathroom.
But this time … maybe because of the miscarriage in the Fall … this time is different. This time, I’ve been the one waiting for the ultrasound, looking for the “real” moment.
Regardless of the weight-gain.
Regardless of the cravings for all things chocolate (and I am not a woman who loves chocolate … I know that makes me a little different … but it’s true. In normal circumstances, I’d much rather have carrot cake than a brownie.)
Regardless of the midnight bathroom runs.
It just hasn’t felt “real.”
Like I’m just waiting for the news that it’s a cosmic joke, or something.
So the ultrasound yesterday held a big space for me.
I had a lot riding on it.
This time … I’m in Montana and the Cowboy’s in Los Angeles, so I was in the room with the technician alone … watching as the pictures came into focus. We looked at kidneys, a stomach, a beautiful straight spine, feet and hands. She measured head circumference, leg-length, arm-length.
And at his first opportunity, the little guy turned his cheeks (not the ones on his face) to the camera and showed us his boy parts. We both laughed. I really like the Ultrasound Tech.
And then she needed him to turn again …
She needed him to turn so we could see his profile (not just for cute pictures, but to confirm everything is ... you know ... good)…
She needed him to turn so she could get an image of his heart (which has a strong beat, and she could see through his ribcage, but couldn’t capture on film) …
She needed him to turn so she could measure the space at the base of his neck that tells us if he’s developing without noticeable congenital disorders.
Little bugger.
Apparently he wants to reveal himself in his own time.
Strong-willed and obstinate already. (He must get that from the Cowboy).
So I’ll go back either tomorrow or Thursday for a more thorough introduction.
And then, even though I now know he’s “real,” maybe my heart will let the experience be “real.”
Congratulations on finding out you are having a son! Loved the way you wrote this post - I scrolled down slowly, taking in every sentence until the "big reveal." Fun! Hoping you might share with us how you tell the Cowboy this time and how he reacts. Oh, and such a cute pic of LO and the Cowboy on their first horseback ride!
Posted by: Kristina | 12 July 2011 at 11:42 AM
Kristina - Thanks for the good wishes! And for enjoying the "big reveal." I will happily share the Cowboy's enthusiasm for the news in the coming days ... the short answer is: he cried ... because the heart of a Cowboy Poet can't help but break at good news. :)
Posted by: yogini cowgirl | 13 July 2011 at 07:49 AM
Wow, that's beautiful. :)
Posted by: Kristina | 13 July 2011 at 12:49 PM