030410. I've been wondering how to start this whole thing, what with it being my first blog and all. And I've got to admit, it's a little daunting to commit to a daily blog. I worry that I’m not going to have enough to say. And I'm a Scorpio, which may or may not have something to do with my tendency to be a little private. Which may not be the best trait for a blogger. But just a few short hours from now I begin the first day of a 40 day, 31-minute meditation that I failed to finish once before. This feels like the perfect time to dig in and let it all out.
Here's the long and short of it (a not-brief-enough re-cap of 2008-present that brings me to this decision to blog):
At 38, I lived (for work) in Albuquerque and fell in love with a Montana Cowboy who was working on the same project as me.
(He's wearing my favorite shirt in this picture. I love this man!)
And then I got pregnant and moved back to Los Angeles, away from the
love of my life, who moved back to Montana.
(This is me and the Cowboy just days before he left for MT and I went to LA)
Last spring, we had the most beautiful and perfect little girl I could imagine. (I know every mother feels that way ...and she should ...they are all perfect, as far as I'm concerned.)
The Little One (henceforth known as the L.O.)
At 40, the Cowboy and I are still together (he’s an incredible father … whew … that could have been a disaster!) and trying to navigate the complicated waters of living in two different states, raising a family, and planning a future together. And life (typical life) is presenting far too many options.
I can stay the course in Los Angeles (or Vancouver or New Mexico or Atlanta …or wherever the next project takes me), produce movies and television, and rely on my Mom to come along and babysit the Little One. (My Mom is amazing. She drives 2 hours on Monday to stay with me for 4 days to take care of the L.O. and I don't know what I would do without her. NOTE: She doesn't love her picture being taken, so I won't post one ...yet ...first I'll get her permission.) I can switch paths on my career and write a book or screenplay and figure out a new way to make it work in show business. Or I can give up my career (one that I've worked 15 years to build) move to Montana with the Little One's Cowboy father to become a stay-at-home mom and yoga instructor.
Or maybe ...there's always a chance that some combination of all three might even work. It's all unfolding.
But at this moment, any possible future is more a what's-my-life-supposed-to-look-like-wish-dream-fantasy-pretty-picture-in-my-head sort of thing. If I want to be a yoga teacher, I need to get certified. If I want to get a novel published, I have to write a book. If I want to write a script, I have to write a script. If I want to be a producer, I need to produce. It's all pretty straightforward. And typical me, I'm going to try to do it all, until the unnecessary stuff ...the stuff that doesn't work ...starts to fall away.
So in the meantime, I'm loving my daughter. I'm loving my Cowboy. I'm appreciating my Mom... I'm getting certified to teach Kundalini Yoga. I'm teaching yoga classes and meditating... I'm writing this blog. I'm pretending to outline a book (ok ...I'm actually doing it, but it's taking way more effort than I thought). I'm still not writing a script. Not yet, at least. And I'm producing a movie that (fingers crossed) will get made in the next year and make any/all of the other possibilities even more real.
Okay, so maybe I’m rambling …
So that brings me to this blog…
…which, I think, will have something to do with unfolding what the future will look like as I figure out how to balance life as a mom, as a partner, as a producer, and as a yogini …who dreams of being a cowgirl. I’m going to try to convince the Cowboy to contribute his incredible cooking techniques and recipes - he makes better bread than the LaBrea Bakery ... WAY better. (I'll take a picture the next time he makes a loaf ...mmmmmmm.)
And there might even be a link or two (or three or four … or five) to some of my favorite blogs. But I’m really just hoping to figure it out as I go, and I hope you’ll be patient, and go on the journey with me!
Q: What choices are you being presented these days? And how are you facing them?
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